transcript 3: Insecure
EPISODE 3: INSECURE
???. VOICE OVER
VOICE OVER
The Suits.
Pratcher. Dr. Cassie.
To me the Flower Company only has one voice.
Gina.
INTRO MUSIC
CREDITS
Station Blue
Episode 3
Insecure
INT. CAMERA ROOM - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Come on...
VOICE OVER
How long had I been there?
Less than a week?
Slamming down a binder, victory.
LEADS
I think... this is it.
VOICE OVER
Time doesn't move the same way it used to.
The first floor was always dark, the third floor is always day.
But it can't have been more than five or six twenty four hour cycles.
Matthew is typing.
LEADS
YES! YES FINALLY!
Oh I can't believe that worked.
VOICE OVER
Five days and I was already desperate for outside contact.
So much so that I tore apart my considerable stock of binders looking for internet access.
LEADS
Dear Diary, let the records show that I, Matthew Leads, have finally located the wifi password.
Let the record also show that just about everything is blocked. My old man would have killed for a child blocker like this.
My email is working though this is almost dial up slow.
Who is?
Gina.
Gina... do I know a Gina?
"Matthew Leads, progress report required. -Gina
"Matthew Leads, please respond." -Gina
"Matthew Leads, failure to respond" -Gina
There are six of these.
I think I made her mad.
Response: Dear Gina, it's nice to hear from you... That's stupid.
Gina, comma, I'm fine I'm safe, I... She could probably care less.
Response: Gina. Comma.
The computers in the lab are all password protected. I just found the WiFi password and am sending this from my personal laptop.
I am downloading my assignments now. There are no issues with the Station. Please send the password to the computer lab."
Give that a few minutes to send.
I should really clean up in here.
TRANSITION
INT. FIRST FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
It's so cold.
It's not like I was expecting Antarctica to be warm but you'd think they'd have better heating here. I was sweating in some of those McMurdo rooms.
Gina told me I should be checking the front door daily to break up any ice so I don't get stuck in here. I haven't been that way since I first arrived.
I wonder who she is. They've told me so little about this place or what to expect.
Those emails were a nice surprise though. It helps knowing somebody is looking out for me.
He opens a door. Wind is blowing.
Oh no...
My boots!
There's snow everywhere. The entrance should have a better seal than this.
He opens the door to the outside, the storm is too strong.
Nothing I can do, winds are too strong.
My boots... Couldn't hurt to throw them in the oven for a bit. I think.
TRANSITION
INT. COMPUTER LAB - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Refresh...
No response.
She might have missed it. I should send another one. Just to make sure.
INT. ELECTRIC PANEL - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Yellow switch...
Good.
I wonder where she is. If she was at McMurdo Beanie and Glasses might know about her.
Could be in the States.
Or she could be with the scientists somewhere out there. That would explain why she hasn’t responded. She has to know a lot about the Station with that giant grocery list of chores she sent me.
Red switch...
Not red switch!
At least it's a good distraction. Keep my mind off of things.
???. VOICE OVER
VOICE OVER
You know, I've never really missed people before.
I prefer my own company.
I romanticized it, I think.
Being alone, building a cabin up in the mountains.
People in town would tell stories about how they saw me chopping down a tree or going on a run during rainstorms.
Did I really want to be alone?
Or was I looking for that air of mystery?
Was anybody thinking about me?
Is anybody thinking about me?
It sounds petty.
But who am I trying to impress?
INT. ELECTRIC PANEL - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Last one.
I bet she's responded by now.
TRANSITION
INT. COMPUTER LAB, DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Nothing.
Hmm...
???. VOICE OVER
VOICE OVER
I always avoided texting.
Not because I had a problem with the technology.
It was the crippling insecurity of hitting send.
Of sticking your neck out in the hopes that someone will respond to you.
And what if they don't?
What if you reach out to somebody you meet and they don't reply?
I've lost contact to with more than one person because I was too stubborn to send a second message.
Better to tell people that you're not into texting.
Call me if you want to talk, I don't really text.
Keeps you from giving your power away.
INT. COMPUTER LAB, DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Shouldn't have sent that second email...
TRANSITION
INT. KITCHEN - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
I think I've read this page four times now.
It's not a bad book. "My Struggle". Not the Hitler one. This ones written by this guy Knausgaard.
It's like his life story. Including all of the bad stuff we usually like to leave out of our narratives. Thought I would get a good chunk of it done today but I just cannot focus.
I was reading upstairs but I kept getting distracted by my laptop.
Now I'm in the kitchen but these sentences are getting lost somewhere between my ear and my brain.
I've already done a lot of what Gina initially wanted but I need clarification on some of these things. And sending a fifth email without response feels desperate.
I really hate this waiting thing.
TRANSITION
INT. COMPUTER LAB, DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
It’s her.
GINA
"Matthew Leads, Good to finally hear from you.
"First of all, please avoid using your personal laptop at the Station. Bandwidth is limited and must be saved for the researchers.
The password for each computer is "Walker" with a capital "W" followed by the number stickied to the monitor.
Second of all, the Station is a delicate ecosystem and it is imperative that you complete your tasks on time to avoid upsetting its balance. Whoa. Please adhere to the Stations clock and send progress reports at the indicated times.
Third, there are no egg shipments.
Fresh fruit and vegetables may come with the Research Staff.
Thank you. If you cannot find answers to future questions in the binders please direct them here. -Gina
LEADS
Alright, response!
Dear Gina, thank you for the response! I will be sure to do that. Fresh fruit and vegetables sound great! Will you be with the research staff? How long have you been with the company? IF you have any questions for me I will gladly answer them.
Send.
She said it was good to hear from me. That's something.
GINA
Matthew Leads.
I have no questions at this time. Please use the Stations computers and not your own personal laptop. Once again the passwords will be the word "Walker" with a capitol W, followed by the number posted on the computer you are using. - Gina
LEADS
I Guess I should get back to work.
TRANSITION
???. VOICE OVER
VOICE OVER
Running the Station is a two person job. I was behind.
And all I wanted to do was get a conversation going.
I knew she was there, the response time between the first and second email can't have been more than ten minutes.
But she wasn't responding to my thinly veiled requests for personal details.
I did have legitimate questions.
Irregularities in the Station.
INT. CAMERA ROOM - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Dear Gina,
I finally logged in to the computers in the Lab like you told me.
They're all showing different times. And some of them go past 24:00 hours. Terminal 2 says it's currently 26:00 hours. I also couldn’t find a calendar on any of them. Is there a reason for this?
GINA
"Matthew Leads, the computers have been powered down all Winter which accounts for the time inconsistency.
And yes, the Station goes off of a 27 hour schedule and ignores conventional dates. The person who worked in the Station previous had a non-24 hour sleep disorder. Everything has been tailored specially for the needs of the researchers. Please reference the time on Terminal 3 for all future assignments.
LEADS
27 hours?
Dear Gina,
I found hair in the shower, long dark hair. I don't remember it being there before. Could it be possible that one of the researchers have stopped in early?
GINA
Matthew Leads, It is easy to overlook small details while getting familiar with a new environment. You are the only person in the Station and the hair was likely left over from an old staff member. You will know when the Research team arrives. -Gina
VOICE OVER
But looking back some of these did more damage than good.
GINA
"Matthew Leads, no I do not have a weather forecast, you are not required to go out except for to clear snow and ice build up from the first floor entrance and the third floor balcony. Please refrain from doing either of these during strong winds or storms." -Gina
GINA
"Matthew Leads, if you need recipes please see the Blue Binder in the cafeteria kitchen. Eat dry cereal if you do not wish to cook. -Gina
GINA
"Matthew Leads, please do not put your boots or any other possessions near or around the oven. The ice will melt naturally, in the future keep your equipment in the first floor closet marked on your map. -Gina
VOICE OVER
With every response I became more desperate.
It was pathetic.
I feel shame listening to these, shame in letting vulnerability and need manifest as a weakness.
LEADS
She hasn't responded in two hours. I think I overdid it.
Dear Gina what do you recommend doing for fun? What's wrong with me. Or this.
Dear Gina, if you let me know what room you'll be staying in I can make sure to clean it for you before you arrive?
Did I even think before sending these? That sounds so creepy.
I'll just send one more.
Dear Gina.
I apologize for the last few emails, please ignore them. I think the elevation is still getting to me, I'm not thinking straight.
I am working through your second list and will let you know when it's done.
LEADS
Thank you for your patience, Leads.
INT. THIRD FLOOR - DAY (ALWAYS DAY)
LEADS
Whoa.
The weather's finally cleared up.
It's beautiful.
I've never seen the sky so big.
There's stone and ice all the way to the horizon. No life, no color. No death.
Just me. Just me and this Station.
I've never seen anything like this. It's like being on another planet.
I'm alone down here.
I've gotten off track.
This is why I came down here. To be alone. To figure myself out.
When I took this job I vowed to use it as a clean slate. No phone. No internet. No TV.
Just me, the job and a journal.
I brought the laptop for emergencies and even there I deleted all of my music, my movies my pictures. But I spent half of today on it and haven't even touched my journal.
Gina told me to go off of Station time on Terminal 3. According to my laptop it's currently 5:31pm Los Angeles time on a Thursday... But I don't know what the time difference is from here to there. And even if I did I couldn't account for the extra three hours added every day.
I have no idea what time it actually is where I'm currently standing. And that's fine.
I'm going to lock my laptop in one of the unused dorms.
From now on I'm eating when I'm hungry, sleeping when I'm tired and I'll send Gina reports based on Terminal 3 time. All of the other computers are getting shut off.
No more distractions.
VOICE OVER
A clean slate.
OUTRO MUSIC - FRIGID WIND
This episode of Station Blue was written and directed by Chad Ellis and produced by Gretchen Schrieber.
The cover art was created by Kessi Riliniki.
Our intro and exit music, Frigid Wind, was composed by Sage GC.
Matthew Leads was voiced by Chad Ellis.
Transcripts are available on our website, stationbluepodcast.com
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Episode 4 of Station Blue will release in two weeks.
While you wait we recommend listening to The Amelia Project, a dark comedy audio drama podcast.
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If you want laughs, shocks and twists The Amelia Project is a must listen.
That’s all for tonight!
My name is Kristen McLaughlin, and until next time.
I will haunt you.